Not smiles after all

2 am feeding finished, my eyes are heavy with lack of sleep. I look at Layla, wondering when her eyes will grow as heavy as mine. I yawn and glance at the clock wondering when I will be able to return to sleep. She looks at me innocently. Her eyes squint. The left side of her top lip lifts into what Tim and I have dubbed "The Elvis Smile". The other corner lifts to create what looks like a full smile. My heart melts and I laugh. I think of bragging and setting the pedi straight at the next appointment that babies this young CAN smile.
An explosive sound fills the room. The sound startles me, but she is unaffected. She grunts and closes her eyes, entering into a deep sleep.

She has just pooped.
She refuses to sleep until she has pooped. Everyday. Each nap. Each night.

In the movies you often see parents of newborns joking with each other about whose turn it is to change the poopy diaper. Not us. There is no need. We have come to the conclusion that if there is a diaper, and if that diaper is attached to our child, there is a 96% chance that pulling the diaper's elastic edge to the side will reveal that it is in fact a poopy diaper. So you see, we each get more than a fair shot at changing a dirty diaper.
I am still puzzled and in awe that someone that small could produce so much waste. I told Tim that we should double bag the diaper trash bags. He asked why, and I told him that I had a dream the other night that made me a little edgy. My dream was that when the garbage collector tried to hoist the bags into the back of the truck, one of the bags broke free and tumbled out into the street. The impact broke the bag open and revealed our terrible, terrible secret that we are excessive landfill contributors.
When the garbage truck came yesterday, I watched inconspicuously from behind the blinds, heart racing, to see if my nightmare would come true. It seemed that it took him forever, but after ten seconds or so I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Secret safe for now.
I'm not sure how many diapers she's used since coming home last Saturday, but I can tell you that if we wanted to build a clubhouse out of cheap materials, we have plenty on hand.