Holding Xavier

Two days ago, I was finally able to hold Xavier. He was "no-stim" for the first three days of life, which meant that he couldn't be touched except when necessary. I was so nervous as the nurses handed me his little body. He is so small and fragile that it was hard to believe that I was holding anything. I held him and rocked him for close to an hour, but I could have held him forever. When the nurses came to put him back in the incubator, she discovered that his CPAP had been accidentally disconnected. She was shocked that his breathing and heart rate stayed the same, even though he wasn't receiving any air pressure from the CPAP. He is not ready to come off of the CPAP, but it is still amazing that such a little guy could hold his own for so long without it. I'm looking forward to the day when he graduates from it.
Yesterday, I held him skin to skin as part of kangaroo care. The nurses placed him inside of my shirt, and he curled his little body against me as if he were still in the womb.



I would give anything to give him another 6 weeks, but sharing this tender moment with him was a wonderful feeling.