Pregnancy Feels Like.....

the flu. No kidding. As a first time mother to be, the only thing that I can compare pregnancy to using my experience is the flu.
The all day daily fatigue, the nausea, the gastrointestinal disturbances in the form of gas and diarrhea, the bad tastes in the mouth, the aversion to anything that has anything to do with food. To me, that all adds up to the flu. Of course pregnancy lacks some of the other tale tale signs of the flu such as aches and pains and fever, but it pretty much mirrors it in every other way. Funny, but I've never heard the two compared to eachother. I know every woman is different, but you would think out of all the women I have ever known that experienced pregnancy, ONE of them would've told me I would probably feel like I had some type of flu. Hmmmm.

In other news, I ordered a doppler today. I'm excited because if it works it will set my worry wort mind at ease. I'm nervous because if it doesn't work, I might cause unnecessary stress on myself. I've heard good things about this kind of doppler, so hopefully it will work for me.

Introducing Squishy!!!

Today at 3:15 we went for our first appointment. I have to say, despite feeling rushed by both the fact that I left work at 2:45, had to go get Tim, and rush all the way out to Bedford combined with my RE kind of blowing me off, today was a good day. I can finally relax a little and really enjoy all the things to come. So we get there , wait in the waiting room for about 15 minutes, then they call us back. I emptied my bladder, undressed from the waist down, and waited another 15 minutes for Dr. Kathy to show up. Now I can tell you, 15 minutes has a way of crawling by when you you're a worrier. A 15 minute wait can compell you to jump head first into the "what if" game. What if they don't see anything? What if the baby doesn't have a heart beat? What if....?? I went on and on both in my head and outloud. Tim dismissed the ones that I made auditory and calmly flipped through the sports section of a newspaper that they dr's office had made available. I asked him how can he be so calm at a time like this? His simple reply, " I don't think about all of those things. This is going to go right for us." I guess he was on to something. It did.

As soon as she inserted the probe we saw Squishy, heart fluttering away. It was truly awesome! All I could do was smile. FHR 124 bpm, and the Dr says everything looks perfect! I am so freakin' happy! I can not believe this being is inside of me. On one picture of Squishy, you can see a slight space that looks like an umbilical cord to me. I stared at that spot for the longest time. It is amazing to see how we are connected to eachother as mother and child. It may seem trivial to some people, but it was a truly humbling discovery. I'm in love!

3-Day WeekEND

So I totally feel like I wasted my 3-day weekend. We didn't do anything fun, and I was in my night gown pretty much all weekend. I just have not felt well. I convinced myself last night that I was coming down with the flu, a virus, or maybe had been infected with listeria despite the fact that I had no temperature or aches and pains. I just couldn't understand how it could be normal to feel as nauseous and as tired as I was all weekend. I mean, I had no energy and that's with napping. I don't know how to give an accurate representation of the intensity of the fatigue. The words escape me. The only thing I can compare it to is tiredness you feel when you have the flu....except without the temp and the achy feeling. I know that may sound strange, but that's what I experienced. Anyway, it has gotten better today. My appetite is dwindling down immensely, and I experienced my first post bfp vomit. Lovely.
In other news, I love yogurt, berries, tomatoes, and grapes now! I hope this feeling remains. Right now I feel like I can live off of the stuff.
Also, I have my first real dr's appointment tomorrow. I'm feeling a mixture of joy and anxiety over seeing the baby for the first time. I want everything to be fine. I want to see my baby. I want to hear my baby. It's not until 3:15, so I'm having the teacher across the hall watch my class so I can leave on time to make it to the appointment. I don't know how I will get through tomorrow. I know nothing but the appointment will be on my mind. I hope time has wings tomorrow!

Symptom Sity

Symptoms to date: Cramping, Sore Boobs, Nausea, Super Sore Boobs, Hunger, Fatigue, Dizziness . (in that order)

Notice the symptoms I listed all begin with uppercase letters. I have to ignore gramatical rules here. These symptoms are serious and deserve the respect that an uppercase letter can give! The Cramps stopped around 5 weeks, the Hunger declined the past few days, but the Nausea, Fatigue, and Sore Boobs are a daily occurence with the most noticable being the sore boobs. I mean they ACHE. My nipples are also constantly erect. Not porn starish, but just constantly erect. I wore a cotton shirt to work today and I had to put cotton balls in my bra over my nipples so I wouldn't offend anyone! Ha!

Man it feels great!

Sea of Home Pregnancy Tests

I'm guessing your first question to yourself may be, how many pregnancy tests did she take? My answer: lots. This is just a small representation of the sticks that I have peed on since the first one on December 29th. Sad, I know. I know what ever reason I come up with for this madness, is still going to sound like just that...madness. I'll give my top three reasons anyway.

1. I wanted to see the lines get darker

2. I wanted to make sure I was still pregnant

3. I love finally being able to see the two pink lines that eluded me for 2.5 years

Your second question to yourself may be, is she done? My answer: no. Well, almost. I have one more dollar store test that I may just take for kicks. Maybe not entirely for kicks. You would be amazed at how reassuring two dark pink lines can be for a woman like me, especially when the test line is DARKER than the control line! Tim tried to talk me down out of this addiction, and it has worked to a point. I haven't bought anymore tests, and I don't plan on it either.

I am just so very much in love with this baby already and the thought of being a mother. It terrifies me to think that the dream that I've finally grasped could be snatched away from me. I know, think positive. That is my goal for each day. Think positive, think in love.