Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Dr. Jekyll begins:

Yesterday at 3:15 I had an U/S. I had a sense of calm and reassurance that as soon as the tech put that probe on my stomach, everything would be fine, and it was. As soon as she put the probe on my stomach, I could see the baby! Heart pumping away and MOVING! It was so amazing to see the baby in there moving it's body! It's arms and legs were flailing, and it really looked like a human baby! Exciting stuff. I think it has finally sunk in that there is something in there. No matter how sick I felt, no matter how many times I listened to the heartbeat with the doppler, this just made things more real for me. Here are some pictures from yesterday.

The tech said that everything looked great, and that the heart rate was 158 bpm, which is exactly what I got by doppler the night before. She also moved my due date up 2 days to 9-7-09. I was liking 9-9-09, but I guess it really doesn't matter because baby's going to come whenever it gets ready to.

Mr. Hyde arrives:

That warm fuzzy feeling I felt was overshadowed by my irritation with my dr's office. I can't help but wonder if I have chosen the wrong dr. I have not met the dr yet, so nothing personal against her, but it's just the environment. There are 7 doctors in the office, and it's super busy in there! 4 receptionists. 4 waiting rooms. People in and out everywhere. I was amazed at the amount of traffic I saw. It just doesn't have that intimate feel that I wanted. That's not my only gripe though, so I guess I'll list them off.

1. The doctor only sees patients on Monday and Thursday mornings only.

2. They made ME do the leg work for insurance. Never in my life have I been made to call the insurance company about preliminary info. I mean, don't they employ people to handle that for you??

3. I don't like how they schedule appointments. They had me coming in different days for different things, and I can't see the logic in that. Specifically, I didn't like that they made me schedule my nurses visit and sonogram on two different days. That makes no sense at all.

4. My nurse called me to move my 3-9 appointment up from 2:15 to 12:15. That was cool with me, but when I talked to the scheduler to tell her it was OK to go ahead with the switch she said, "Oh, well she already did it anyway. " The nerve. I mean how can you change my appointment time without first ok'ing it with me.?

5. I was forced into taking the 3-9 appointment at 2:15 in the first place because they told me the dr was going out of town the following week for spring break and if I didn't take that time I was out of luck for another 2 weeks. So that means I would be 16 weeks before I even SEE the dr! Bad enough I'll be 14 when I finally get to go.
Tim and I are in the process of seeing if a switch should be in order. I mean, this is my first child, and I don't know if I want the memory of this experience tarnished by busy offices and neglectful doctors. Plus, my patience level is at 0. I would really hate to have my buttons pushed even more than they are already.

Sigh. Update coming soon.

Preggo Dreams and Image

Had I heard this title 3 months ago, I would've described them as warm and fuzzy dreams filled with colors of pink and blue and bouncing babies smiling everywhere. Well I can tell you first hand, that's not the case. It all started around 8 weeks or so. I would have vivid dreams that just didn't make sense. My most memorable one was about me going to get some of those really cool belly pictures taken. Well I go in and everything was perfect. The lighting, my hair, my belly, everything was turning out wonderfully and the photographer was even better. I was so comfortable with her and she was producing fabulous pictures of me. I was sitting on a green couch about to take a final shot. I looked over and realized that the photographer was not wearing any pants or underwear and I could see everything. Now obviously I was very confused. The photographer continued to move around smiling and talking as if she was fully dressed. I ended up getting very sick from the fact that she was naked waist down and threw up. That was the end of that dream and I woke up nauseous.
A few nights ago I had a dream that my teeth were falling out. Now I've had this dream several times before, but what made this one different is that each time a tooth fell out they would fall on the floor and shatter like broken glass! I remember thinking in the dream, man the teeth are shattering on the floor so I can't even pick them up and glue them back in. The final straw was when one of my front teeth cracked. I went through an entire process of thinking about how to call in and get a sub because there was no way I was going to work with a front tooth missing. I could go in if it was just one of the molars, but going in without a front tooth was a no no. Needless to say I woke up and checked to make sure I had all my teeth.
I read a dream interpretation about teeth falling out a long time ago. The interpretation said that people usually dream that when they are overly concerned with appearance. I would have to say that this interpretation makes sense in my life. I worry about how I look most days because most days I just feel ugly. My weight gain is noticeable, and at this point it's not that cute pregnant belly noticeable weight gain. I have gained 5 pounds. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those ladies who obsess about weight and don't want to gain weight while pregnant. That's not me at all. I wouldn't mind at all if I looked pregnant. My stomach just looks fat. I lost 30 lbs right before becoming pregnant, and now that some of that weight is coming back it unsettles me. To take it off just to put it back on feels strange. I also think the coloring of my face looks darker and uneven, and I don't like my hair either. Where is that pregnant glow people talk about all the time? It skipped me for some reason. I'm thinking about getting a new haircut/hairstyle over spring break so I can get "me" back. I need to start researching hairstyles because I realize choosing the wrong one can be more disastrous than not choosing one at all!

11 Weeks!

Today I am 11 weeks, and to celebrate it I had a nice morning vomit of bile, fatigue, and a bad attitude out of this world! I am conviced that certain people are seeking me out just to try me. I'm usually very mild mannered at work, but it seems like lately people have just been TRYING to get on my last nerve. All in all, I guess I can say today went ok.
I did have a scare yesterday morning. I had my first regular OB appointment, and I wanted to make sure I could hear the heartbeat with my doppler before going in. Well, I couldn't find the heartbeat for NOTHING. I searched 25 minutes, then I finally found it. Squishy had moved further up in my uterus. When I came home in the evening, I decided to check again to see if it would be as difficult to find as the morning. I checked in the same spot as the morning and got nothing. I searched and searched, holding my breath the whole time. Finally...thump thump thump thump! I smiled and sighed with relief. Then wait...it's gone! I moved the probe around for another few minutes and found it again. Thump thump thump! Then it went away again. Squishy and I went back and forth like that for a few minutes when I finally had a thought. Maybe it doesn't like the probe anymore. Everytime I'd find the heartbeat I was only able to listen 5-6 seconds before it moved away. One of the girls from my due date club said that they can hear the noise of the probe. That makes sense. I guess I'll give Squishy a break and try not to listen everyday. :)
Anyway, yesterday I went to my dr's appointment, which was really a nurse appointment, and all was routine. I was pretty disappointed that they didn't check the heart rate, my uterus, or anything like that. All she did was take a gallon of blood, weigh me, take my bp, and give me a folder full of preggo info. They also made several more appointments for this month and next. My next appointmet is Monday 2-23. This is going to be a good one because I get an u/s. I'm so excited because I will finally get a picture of something that looks like a baby. I've checked out u/s from girls from my due date club, and they look like babies now. Can't wait. Then I have to go back in 2-24 on Tuesday for a blood draw. They want to check my progesterone levels a week a part to make sure my stopping my endometrin Friday was a good idea. Then I finally have my appointment with the OB 3-9. I'll get a pap and all that other fun stuff. Yuck.

Scared to speak too soon

but I think at 10 weeks 3 days, my morning sickness has subsided for the most part. Since last Saturday I noticed that I haven't been vomiting every single morning. I still feel nausea, but it's tolerable for the most part. I still have fatigue, that has gotten a little better, excess salivation, and sore sore boobs. I can deal with that though. Also, I have noticed that I have had a killer attitude since I've become pregnant, and especially the past few weeks. My coworkers are saying they like the new me. I guess it's because I've just basically been saying what's on my mind, and I don't hold myself back from letting people have it. People piss me off when they come up to me and say something dumb, especially on my days when I feel like a freight train hit me. I know it's my hormones. I also know it's the fact that I am carrying a child and for the most part not much else matters. I no longer care what people think about trivial things. I don't consider people's thoughts on what I have to say. I know that sounds mean, but that's where I am with my thinking at this point. I just have limited time and patience with nonsense.

I've also been listening to the baby's heartbeat with my doppler pretty much everyday. I just get nervous when I check in with my due date club on Justmommies.com and read all the horror stories of different women from the club losing their babies. It seems like everyday that I check in on there, someone else has miscarried. They're dropping like flies. Reading the stories invokes such emotions! Initially I feel shock. Then I feel sadness. Then I feel worried with feelings of desperation. Then in the end I feel a certain amount of relief and happiness that I can hold on to Squishy if even for one more day. Eventually I feel guilt for feeling that way. It's just all so confusing.
Oh if I could go through this thing with blinders on and just enjoy my time with freedom from doubt and worry! The only thing I can do is say a prayer for our child and hope that everything is ok.
Yesterday was my 29th. Tim treated me to prenatal pampering at Daired's spa. I had a pedicure, full body massage, and lunch at the spa. It was a truly wonderful and relaxing experience. It felt so good to be pampered in a relaxing environment. I love my husband!

Galloping Horses and Trains

I got the doppler I rented last Wednesday. Well, of course I tried to use it immediately and it didn't work. Although I resolved to try once a week until we heard something, I ended up trying once a day. Never heard anything until.....today. I finally found the heartbeat on a full bladder, right at the pubic line, plenty of u/s gel, and inhaling and holding my breath. After 2 minutes of doing that we heard the heartbeat at 162 bpm! It was a wonderful sound. I just smiled and listened, smiled and listened. It sounds just like a galloping horse or a speeding train. I didn't expect to hear it until I was 10+ weeks, but we were able to hear it at 9 weeks 4 days. I'm impressed! I am so looking forward to listening again.